My daughter and her husband just moved in with me to save money. They were living in a town that his family lives in/his home town so his family is sad to see him go. His parents followed after them the weekend they moved back. That was cool, I figured they were just staying close to them for the weekend to say a last goodbye and hang out a bit. I got home on Wednesday after work and found out they had invited themselves to stay in my house. I don’t really know them – I’ve only met them 3 times or so and this is only the second time they have been to my house. They joked about how they would stay at my house instead of getting a hotel. I didn’t know what to say so I went to bed early that night and told my daughter I wasn’t happy and wanted to know what their plans were the next day.
They sleptin the lounge and slept in until 10am! The lounge is in the centre of the house next to the kitchen. We were all tiptoeing around until they got up. I had to speak to them about boundaries and though they nodded and made the right sounds I got the message that they felt like I was being unfair. They even said that they would let me stay at their house if it was the other way around and the mother started crying about how much she was worried about her fully grown adult son and was fretting for him. She explained that she just thought I’d understand because I’m a mom too. I explained that I don’t see things the same way they do and I felt like I lost control of my home (they fully took over the kitchen the night before and not to mention again, they were not invited. They invited themselves). I don’t know what happens from here but I don’t see this being the last issue I have with them.
I want to support my daughter and her husband but I never agreed to let his parents use my house to visit him or anything at all. Is this situation outrageous on their part or am I inhospitable and mean? Update: Sorry – to clarify for all those asking, the parents went back to their hometown yesterday after I spoke to them. When I said in the original post, ‘I don’t know what happens from here’, I meant, I don’t know if they will try and cross that boundary at some time in the future. But I’m ready and clear with my response. I spoke to daughter and SIL about boundaries. There are no overnight stays. Let me know if there are visitors coming. If that is respected we can spend time with his parents but they can’t take over my house and they’re not staying. For the people on here saying I’m the AH for not speaking up straight away – I know that – I agree and I’m pissed off at me too. I know what my boundaries are but I don’t always enforce them straight away and I need to get better at doing that. Also, you’ll see I used paragraphs!
